I’m sure every mother, every parent feels like their kids never listen. Lately it’s gotten so bad that I can’t tell if it’s blatant disrespect or just plain laziness; possibly a combination of both. I know they can hear. Any mention of doing something they want to do, no matter how quietly said, they are all over that. It flabbergasts me how I can be screaming and yelling like a lunatic over and over again, I can be sitting right next to them and calmly say something and nothing no response, no actions. On the other hand, my husband can say something and they respond, you see immediate action.
I know they love me, I really do. Although, many times I have questioned it throughout our bumpy ride. I do know in my heart they love me.
I wonder at times if their lack of urgency when I say something comes from the years where I was simply in survival mode. The years when we were coping with the death of their father/my husband and my parents. I see now that during this period of time I was on such a rollercoaster trying to maintain my household while I was slowly losing my mind in the depths of my depression. I would say something and never act on the consequence. This is the number one thing as a parent you are never to do. I know this, yet I found myself doing it over and over again. I still find myself doing it at times, nowhere near the extreme as before.
The most important aspect of being a parent is to be consistent, this is one of my core beliefs. I started out strong, but when everything went crazy in my life the first things that went out the door were the things that were hardest to do. Everything I needed to continue I let go of, I dug deep into a world of depression.
So here I am today, I’m married to a wonderful man who has unconditionally taken me with all my faults. He has taken on my children (our children) unconditionally and is truly a father to them. I have the backbone and support I was lacking for years. I’m in therapy dealing with my PTSD and depression. Now what? How do you go about undoing the bad behaviors they have acquired. I wonder to myself, when will they ever listen? When will they do something without being told or do it the first time they are asked? As I write this I do acknowledge that a lot of this behavior is them testing us and just being kids.
What I know I can do is to be as consistent as I can be. No matter what is going on, I need to focus and take a deep breath. I enjoy my children so much, they have such amazing qualities and are each so very different. I will lean on my husband, gently…. he is such a great father and stays much calmer than me. I will continue with therapy, it’s where I need to be. And I will continue to write this blog, it is such a wonderful release to get my thoughts and feelings written down and for once not care who will see inside my life.
November challenge to myself: I am grateful for my life today. I look back just 4 years ago and I never thought I would be where I am now. As a family we have a lot to get through, but we are forging forward together. We have more love and laughter than anything else.