As I start my day I am a bit overwhelmed. Actually, I am completely overtaken by guilt and worry. I wish today I could say what is bothering me is the usual housework, errands and juggling of kids schedules. Those things seem so simple and insignificant right now.
I am deeply burdened by the sadness and depression my teenage daughter is dealing with. I won’t go into much of what our family has been through here. You can read a brief introduction on my about page. I am still in the process of writing more about the afflictions we have endured.
My sweet daughter looks fine to the outside world, she has an angelic temperament and is always smiling. She has learned the art of avoidance too well from her mother. The one thing I have learned is; avoidance will only help the pain for a brief time. What it actually does, is fester the agony inside of you. This evasion of things is no longer suiting us, in fact it has become more detrimental and prolonged our healing.
It’s one thing for me to be carrying these struggles and deep wounds. To know my daughter is in such deep pain rocks me to my core. I have fallen to my knees and I pray for God’s healing over our family. I ask you dear Lord please take this pain from her heart and her soul. I lift her up to you Lord ,and beg for you to let her feel your strength and your unconditional love.
“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”
At these times when I see my children in so much pain I wonder why has God put us through all of this. I question everything I have been taught my entire life. As I write this, I immediately remind myself of the mustard seed. If you follow me I will refer to the mustard seed parable often. My grandmother gave me a locket with a mustard seed in it when I was a very young girl. This verse is what brings me back to my faith when my heart has more pain than hope.
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20
All that is needed of me right now is just a little faith, even the faith as small as a tiny mustard seed.
I need the faith and courage to show my gentle hurting daughter that even though her pain is deep and sharp she is never alone. Often times when we are in pain those around us are uncomfortable with our feelings because they have not yet learned how to deal with their pain (myself included).
Allowing our family, friends and even ourselves the ability to be where we are and knowing we are perfect regardless of our circumstances or situations is one of the biggest gifts we can give.