Our lives, living in controlled chaos. Raising kids & coping with tragedy
Facing a new week, facing my demons
As Sunday comes to an end, I sit here worried about facing my therapy tomorrow. I hate walking out of the appointment with my heart heavy, a huge load on my shoulders and this thumping headache. I am telling myself I will go, I know my husband and family want me to face these demons. If anything, I will try to conquer these little hills for them, at first. That way I’m getting in there, I’m doing the next right things and eventually I will be going for me. I know that’s the theory of the fake it ’til you make it. You get in there, do what you need to do. Regardless of how you feel about things and then eventually you’re doing it for yourself and all the right reasons.
My son Derek (#5 child) got hurt Friday at school. He hit his head while running, he came home dizzy and vomiting. I immediately rushed him the to emergency room. As a nurse, I know he will be okay because I’m acting fast, if he does have any sort of bleed to his brain they can minimize the damage. The mother in me, the woman who has been through so much horrific sudden deaths was driving scared to death my son was going to have long-term effects or worse die. This is not reasonable to keep having this humongous fear that anyone I know can die suddenly. I live with this constantly. I see an ambulance going on a road a mile from my kid’s school, I call the school to make sure my children are safe. If don’t get a fast reply text from my husband I panic and worry something catastrophic has happened. I know I need to come to grips with my fears and have faith again and surrender all my doubts. This will come with time, my first next step must be to follow through with my therapy.
My son was diagnosed with a moderate concussion. He’s doing okay and already wanting to play outside. Next 2 weeks will consist of trying to keep an active 10-year-old in the house and allow no physical activities…… yikes!
Wish me luck that I will walk through my therapists door tomorrow!