Unfortunately, I have recently seen some couples go through traumatic breakups. These are romances and bonds that spread out over 30 or more years. The end of a relationship and marriage can be likened to a death. It is the end of ones hopes and dreams of the way they thought their lives would be playing out. I’ve seen dear friends go through the hardship of moving on without their significant other.
When a relationship ends, it can be incredibly hard for everybody involved. You are likely to experience a wide range of emotions, and these emotions can run high. However, remaining mature will serve you well. So, how can you cope with the end of a relationship in a graceful way?
No matter how or when you relationship ends, there are ways to cope that exude grace and maturity. From how you behave with them, to the steps you take to deal with the legal side of things, it can make all the difference.
First off, communication is key. Sure, you may need to rant and rave at the start. This is especially true if you are hurt, or angry. But once you have that out of your system, focus on communication that is mature. Remain level-headed when discussing things. Walk away and take a breather if emotions start getting out of control. Encourage your partner to do the same. If they refuse to handle things like a mature adult, don’t allow yourself to get drawn in. Leave the conversation for another time, when they are feeling calmer. It may be that at the start they are feeling extra vulnerable, or even embarrassed. Even if they are coming across as cruel or unkind, it could be that they are acting this way in order to hide their true feelings underneath.
Secondly, if you are getting divorced, you will need to hire professionals to handle the legal side of things. Trying to do them for yourself will be incredibly hard work, or even impossible. When it comes to hiring a lawyer, be sure you hire someone who you trust. You need to have someone who has your best interest at heart. Also, hire somebody based locally; so, if you’re in a Tulsa, hire a tulsa lawyer. A good lawyer can protect you from all sorts of things. This may be going through an unnecessarily long-winded process, or losing your personal assets.
Once the breakup is complete, you must still remain mature then too. Don’t fall into the habit of ‘stalking’ them on social media. Seeing their new life now may only make the healing process take longer, and make it even harder for you. If you have previously agreed not to speak for a couple of months, don’t allow alcohol or a bad day to make you go back on your promise. You will probably regret it when you sober up, or wake up!
Of course, through all of this time, you will probably have relied heavily on your loved ones. Your family and friends will have been happy to be there for you, and their support will have made a difference. However, once you make your way through the worst of, be sure to check in on your own behavior with them. Remember- they have things going on in their own lives. Being too wrapped up in the end of your own relationship for too long could inhibit you from noticing their problems. Take a step back from your own worries and find out how each member of your support network is doing. They will be nothing but grateful.
There’s a trick to the ‘graceful exit.’ It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over — and let it go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving up, rather than out. ~ Ellen Goodman
Are you or someone you know dealing with the end of a relationship? How do you advise someone close to you when you see them hurting and in need of comfort?